I feel awful…

Today was bipolar day in dance class. I blew my instructor’s mind. I was fucking awesome during those moments I was able to concentrate. Taking two weeks off of dancing essentially, my mind was a little befuddled… HOWEVER I also forgot to take my Xanax and there wasn’t any in the fucking car!!! I LOOKED!! So when we started our warm ups, I couldn’t get the skips down. I’ve been doing skips for ten fucking years. Why oh WHY could I not do them tonight? Oh right. because I’m trying to keep my brain from freaking the fuck right on out. The night just gets better. At one point, I’m not getting the timing on my reel down… So my dear wonderful teacher turns the music up… This does not help matters. In fact, it makes them worse. Please don’t do this, dear wonderful teacher. I had a full on panic attack IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS!!! I can’t focus on the fact that I had such amazing skillz that I kept being praised in class, then after class, and then he texted me. No no. That is not how my piece of shit fucked up brain works. My joints hurt again. Ugh. I’ll ice them again… Anyway! I suck and I’m beating myself up over the fact that I broke down in class… 

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