Things I hear from people in my other hobby:
“You haven’t been out in so long!”
“Why don’t you come out more?”
“We’ve missed you!”
“What will make you keep coming out?”
Here’s the thing. Dancing makes me feel empowered, if even for a few minutes. I don’t get that empowerment in that hobby. I feel lonely and forgotten. I feel low. Even though some people within dance do freak me out on the anxiety meter, there are some people that make me feel wanted and loved. No one really makes me feel that way in my other hobby. Should I talk to someone about it? I’ve tried. What I’ve heard is “Change or GTFO.” Okay. Nevermind. Here’s what Saturday did for me. Saturday provided me a chance to prove myself to myself. Sound strange? It might be, but when you live in a state of almost constant fear, getting up on a stage and being judged in front of tons of people that might end up being great friends with you or hate you, it can psych you out. In any case, I’ve been met with nothing but positive reactions to performing and competing. Alot of it is from other adults that are impressed with my daring. I’ve had a few kids be excited that I’m dancing. Those kids are awesome. I love those kids. Sitting around at the ceili afterwards was sort of surreal. I was watching everyone from my little spot by myself and actually loving what I was doing right then. I loved me. I loved those people. How rare it is for me to love myself! So I enjoyed that feeling alot.
I have four gold medals, bitches! I’m a leaf on the wind! I’m defying gravity! Watch how I soar!